Albert Ellis, one of the fathers of CBT, had an interesting construct for dealing with issues of self-esteem. He posed the idea that self-esteem equates to individuals hanging their worth on external measures. For example, someone may develop inflated self-esteem if they secure a job they desired, but if they do not get the job, they believe themselves worthless worm. This construct is inaccurate, and leaves us too vulnerable to external circumstances. Instead, he promoted the concept of Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) which assumes that we all worthy human beings just by the fact that we are alive. Our inherent value does not change due to external circumstances. While it is normal to be disappointed if we lose that dream job, we do not have use it as evidence of our core worth.

Accepting ones inherent worth, does not mean that one is not working towards actualizing external goals. We derive short and long-term gratification from working towards goals. Our success and failure in our progress towards these goals does not however define our core worth. Believing so can often impede our ability to function optimally, and make reaching goals more difficult. I will support you in monitoring distorted thoughts about your core worth, and in actively working towards the goals that you define.